Last Sunday, I got baptized in my little church in Montevallo, Alabama and I also gave this testimony. Many people have asked what I said or asked for me to send it to them, and I wanted to share it with those of you who weren’t able to make it.
“Most of you here know me, but for those of you who don’t, my name is Hannah Parker and I grew up on that hill right over there on Cherokee Street. I grew up in this church, coming every Sunday and Wednesday with my family, and singing “Away in a Manger” every Christmas Eve with my Dad. When my parents got divorced when I was almost 8, I was the only one who continued to come here for a long time. Eventually, I stopped too because my schedule was packed, I didn’t live in Montevallo anymore, and I was going with my mom looking at about every other church in the Birmingham area. I didn’t know what I believed in, I had no reason to not believe in God, but I felt that I didn’t have a reason to believe either. I wasn’t one of those kids who sat in Sunday School, got taught a lesson, and believed it. I have recently discovered that I’m the kind of person who needs a reason, even if not logical, it can be “just because I wanted to” but there has to be a reason to me. So I questioned what I was taught, and even if I didn’t know what I believed I knew it wasn’t what these other churches were preaching. I realized at an early age that going to church didn’t make you a Christian, just like sitting in a garage didn’t make you a car. The first time I felt I really knew something about my faith was when I was asking my dad how people could believe in creationism with no evidence but did not believe in evolution if it did have evidence. He went on to tell me how maybe there are stories in the bible that are true and actually happened, but maybe some are just stories… telling us how God wants our relationships to be with each other and with Him.
At 16, I got diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I felt that I was being punished, that God hated me, and frankly I hated Him. I also tore my ACL that year which brought on more hatred because I felt I was getting punished even more, I couldn’t do what I loved. But also at 16, I would find myself driving here and sitting in the parking lot just letting the love of this place overcome me. One time, I was leaving my dad’s house, and I was overwhelmed with my life and I drove here before going back to my mom’s and I got out and the church door was unlocked. I just came and sat in this very room listening. Waiting for some miraculous thing to happen, for Jesus to come walking from the pool. Nothing happened, so I just broke down and cried. I yelled at God, Why was this happening to me? What did I ever do to deserve any of this? And I just stopped and looked around, remembering where everyone sat when I was younger, remembering forgetting the words to “Away in the Manger” and everyone cheering me on, remembering all of you. And I felt better, I felt loved and that’s what I needed at the time. I knew there were still people out there who believed in me and loved me and I wasn’t going to let them down even if I felt that God didn’t love me and God didn’t believe in me.
Graduating high school and going to the school of my dreams was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. I felt free, and like I could just start all over on a clean slate. Last summer I started wanting to find God, figure out who He was. A few days into pre-season, I tore some ligaments in my ankle and was told I would be out all season. At this point in my life, I had come to terms with everything else that had happened and that I wasn’t being punished with my parents, my diabetes, or my ACL. But wow.. I missed my first college class cause I had to go to the doctor, it was hard to not be angry with God. I thought he was giving me a fresh start, but there I was starting the same routine as before. I had great teammates who supported me, but I also met this guy who turned it all upside down. I thought, “If there is a guy like him that really exists on this Earth, there must be a God.” We dated my whole freshman year, he opened my heart and I began to open my heart to God, letting him in as I had never done before.
So, a couple weeks ago, I was able to go on this retreat, the Lighthouse retreat a Christian organization, where me and 6 other classmates got to go work with families who have a child with childhood cancer. It was a 3 hour credit, it was at the beach, and it was volunteering, but I never thought it would change my life like it did. Every night, we had a theme for dinner, and on Tuesday we had a luau and towards the end, I got a phone call from that same boy and he broke up with me for his ex-girlfriend. Of course I cried, I felt destroyed. I walked on the beach with our assistant chaplin who went on the trip with us and we just talked, and I realized, I had more important things to put my time and energy into at the moment. So Wednesday night, we had REFUEL, a time when all the volunteers got together and we talked about anything cool that happened through the day, we would sing songs, and our host, Casey Darnell, would read us some scripture. After a few people shared some stories, Casey looked at all of us and said, “The hardest part about childhood cancer for us is, what does that tell us about God?” That question had been in my head for almost 10 years and it was about to get answered. My parents divorce and their court dates.. what did that tell my about God? Getting diabetes after years of soccer and eating healthy… What did that tell me about God? Tearing my ACL after doing all the weights and the training.. what did that tell me about God? This guy who helped bring me back to God leaving me for someone he thought was better.. What did that tell me about God? And he said, “It tells us that things happen. God doesn’t give kids cancer to punish them, or punish their parents. These kids get cancer and God is with them, in those trenches the whole way, loving them unconditionally.” So I’m crying, a couple others are crying, and Casey begins to play this song, “Forever Reign” and if you haven’t heard it, it talks about how God is love, God is grace, God is patience, God is good. And it hit me right then that for so long I hated God and I felt so alone and I felt He hated me, but in reality, HE LOVED ME the whole time! He never left my side. Those things didn’t happen because of him, those things just happened and he stood by me as I dealt with them. I knew by the end of the trip that I wanted to be baptized. I got home Saturday evening, woke up Sunday for church, and doubted everything, I shouldn’t get baptized, it wasn’t the right time.. the whole drive to church. Then I got here and under the song after the sermon, like now, it said “If you feel led to commit yourself to Christ and this church step forward and be welcomed by the pastor.” And I was like, alright God! I’m sorry! I’ll do it. So here I am.
I want to end by telling you that I got to the church early two Wednesday nights ago and I came in here to wait for choir to start, and it was a beautiful evening outside. I realized that night that all these things happened to me, but I have been blessed my entire life to be surrounded by the most amazing, most loving, most supportive people in the world.. So I thank you for never giving up on me, and loving me even when it wasn’t easy. And I now know that God will always love me, even when it’s not easy. It’s been a long, rigorous hike in finding God, but I commit to continue on this hike with Him and bettering my relationship with Him every day.”