One year ago today, I went before my little church in Montevallo, Alabama and committed my life to bettering my relationship with God. I got baptized and chose to go up in front of the congregation and tell them my testimony. I remember after being dipped in the pool of water and putting some dry clothes on, standing in the back room waiting for my que to go to the podium and recite my story to this group of people who have been there through my entire life and thinking, “But this is all going to change.”
I talked to both my pastor and the assistant chaplain at Berry about this because I knew that one day I wouldn’t feel so confident in my relationship with God. I knew that one day I would question God’s love and intent for me. I knew one day I would question my future and one day I would feel all alone.
And I was right.
Just because I got baptized doesn’t mean that I haven’t questioned God, it doesn’t mean that there haven’t been times I’ve laid in bed crying because I felt no one understood. It doesn’t mean that after I got my final grade in chemistry that I didn’t question my entire life and if I had ruined it all.
But I can tell you what I do have now is a group of people that God has blessed me with and resources to go back to His word to come out of those things. In the past year, I’ve had people placed in my life that I never would’ve imagined before and they lead me to God instead of away from Him.
One of these people is Berry College’s assistant chaplain, Erin Moniz. “Thank you, God for Erin,” I can’t tell you how many times a day I say that phrase in my head. I’ve told Erin all about my struggles and my doubts, my questions and my fears. You see, what I’ve learned is that for a good relationship with anybody, it’s important to be open and honest, whether with a friend or with God.
As many of you know, I found my faith at Lighthouse Family Retreat last summer, and this summer I had the pleasure of going back. I rode with Erin and her husband, Mike, and a couple girls from Lighthouse this year, and through the conversations on the round trip, I realized that I had a whole new testimony. A year had gone by and I had a whole new testimony that I could share with people.
There was one time that I was talking with Erin, about what exactly, I don’t remember, but I do remember her response. “You know, Hannah, I don’t really like Christians… And I don’t really like church either.” And it wasn’t that I loved her response because I actually hate Christianity and I hate going to church, I just dislike and disagree with what Christianity and church has come to be.
I just think that we spend so much time labeling others and picking out what they’re doing wrong rather than looking at ourselves and finding where we could be doing better. We focus so much on other’s religions and other’s sexual orientation, we focus on premarital sex and political parties.
In one of Pastor Daniel’s sermons this summer he ended by asking us if we could see the face of God in our enemies, and I think that’s where we really get troubled. Can I see the face of God in my classmate who’s a Trump supporter? Can I see the face of God in my Muslim neighbor? Can I see the face of God in the black man walking down the street? What about the Hispanic at the store that could be here illegally? We were all created lovingly by God, so who are we to say that anyone is any less than ourselves? Based on our own judgement? Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you think about anybody, it’s about their relationship with God, and if God loves them, why not me too?
I think that’s why I fell in love with Lighthouse. Because it doesn’t matter where the family came from or their religious background, it’s all about just loving them to our very best. And not serving them for personal recognition, not to go around and say, “I’m doing it because I’m a Christian,” or for approval from God even. People see God’s love through our serving there. At Lighthouse, you don’t have to push God on the families because they ask why we do what we do. They ask what it is about the family partners that drives them to serve, and that creates a path leading to God.
If I’ve learned anything about God or my faith or Christianity in the past year, it’s that it’s all about relationships. It’s about the relationships you make with the people around you, how you treat them despite how they treat you. It’s about the relationship you have with God. And just like any relationship with any person, it’s important to be honest with God, communicate with God, not just about what you need, but it’s so awesome to let Him be your best friend. It’s just as important to tell Him that you’re angry with Him as it is to praise Him.
The best advice I got this year was from Erin, and I think it’s something a lot of people could hear about now. It went something like this:
“If you follow just two things in the Bible to lead your life, just focus on those two things, you will stay busy bettering your faith. One, love God, and two, love your neighbor. You do those two things and you will live a long, full, life and you will never be perfect with it. It will always keep you challenged, but it will always make you better.”
I’m not trying to say this like this year has just been a breeze all because I accepted God into my life. This year has actually been a giant rollercoaster. There’s been a lot of loss and grief, a lot of heartbreak, and a lot of questions and doubts. But through every trial, I’ve found my way back to my faith and I think that’s an accomplishment in of itself. Through every trial and obstacle I’ve found myself in the arms of someone who shows me God’s love in their actions.
Cheers to 365 days, but here’s a toast to a lifetime.