Just a couple short weeks before I returned to Berry for my Junior year and for preseason this past summer, I accepted my fourth job for the school year. I remember texting my boyfriend at the time and just being so full of joy and excitement! I sure didn’t know how I was going to do it, I had absolutely no idea. How was I supposed to be a full time student.. a student athlete.. IN SEASON at that… with four jobs. Oh and maybe just a sliver of a social life. And ya know just get adequate sleep. Oh I also knew I should probably eat sometimes, maybe get a coffee while I’m at it. But seriously, I had no idea how I was going to pull off this semester, truly clueless, but I did know that somehow, I would.
I’m not really one to brag on myself, I actually have found this semester that I’m too hard on myself the majority of the time. But for the first time I think in my life, I’m not sitting here thinking about all the things I could have done better or differently, I’m not wondering about the “what if” or what could have been, I’m not proud of myself for a single test grade and mad at myself for another, for the first time I’m genuinely so proud of myself. Of course, this semester was definitely not perfect by any means. There were times I didn’t know if I would make it, times I wanted to give up, times I was angry at myself, and times I just wanted to break down and cry because it all seemed too hard. But I didn’t and I think that’s an accomplishment in itself.
First and foremost this semester, I was a student. That was kind of the deal going to college, putting school first for four years and figuring out my life and goals and a bunch of fun stuff like that. I picked my lightest class load yet to help myself with the whole four jobs and being in season thing, but I still had a full time student load including the first part of Anatomy and Physiology, the one class I felt I had to do the best in to make my overall science GPA higher and more appealing to graduate programs. There were a couple weeks where I swear my professors got together and decided to have everything due at the same time, and those times made life a little more stressful and difficult, but for the most part, I was able to stay on top of my studies all semester and at the end of it, I made A’s and one B so I made the Dean’s List for the second semester in a row, something I’m truly proud of.
At Berry, our recreation center/gym/my home is called the Cage Center. By the end of the semester, one of my boss’ came up to me when he was leaving work to go home, so about 5-6 in the evening, and asked, “Hannah, have you even left the Cage today?” And to be honest, I had only once for class and to pick up lunch only to bring it right back to the Cage. Most of my mornings started at the Cage somewhere between 6-7 in the morning and I usually ended there somewhere between 9-10 at night. You see, three of my jobs were at the Cage: personal trainer, Cage Center supervisor, and nutrition specialist. Besides work, I also had classes in the Cage and my coaches offices were in there too, so I pretty much lived there. I usually even had some clothes and food up at the front desk. People think I’m absolutely crazy for having so many jobs, and maybe I am. Maybe I’m even more crazy for enjoying it… but if I enjoy it, is it really even work? That’s where I feel the most blessed. I’ve been given these amazing opportunities to pursue jobs in areas that I want to explore for the rest of my life, and opportunities that will help lead a path for higher education, AND opportunities filled with such wonderful people that my coworkers and clients really just feel like family. Every single one of my bosses knows me on a personal level. They ask about other areas of my life and get this… They actually care. My boss at the Cage took me out to see construction progress at our soccer fields one day when I was stressed and just talked to me about how things were going. Both of my bosses for personal training and nutrition continually give me more opportunities to expand my knowledge and get more experience. They ask about my family and my school. And my clients become my friends and extensions of my family. I spend half the time just laughing with them and learning from them. They text me to see how a test went, they lend me books for my upcoming liquid diet, they call to check on me, they make me protein nuggets. I mean c’mon. That’s not work. That’s love.
My collegiate soccer career sure hasn’t turned out to be exactly what I had wanted or imagined or wished for as a freshman coming into Berry. I’ve been in a boot twice, on crutches a few times, a few strained muscles, and one more knee surgery. But I’ve also learned that at this point in the game, that’s not uncommon. I’ve played soccer about 17 years now and after that long of pounding on my body, it’s tired. I use my time in the offseason to recover from the season and I use a lot of my time doing preventative therapy going into the season, and during season I do therapy to help maintain and prevent. Instead of continually trying to get better, I’m just trying not to get worse. So my first couple seasons were rough and this year there was really only one difference. That being that my teammates weren’t just my best friends, but they were my family. Despite how frustrating or misguiding the coaches can be, despite any bad game or bad practice, my team was still a team that actually treated each other like we really love each other.. even if we didn’t necessarily like each other. Something that I’ve learned not just from my experience being a collegiate athlete, but my friends and teammates as well is, it’s really hard to keep faith during competition. It’s hard to be so in love with a game, a game that you’ve sacrificed so much of yourself and your life for, a game that you gave all of your time and passion to, but to have all of those things mean a little less to the new people and coaches who now control your game. It’s hard to realize how much studying you could’ve done, how much more sleep you could’ve gotten, the friends you could’ve made, and it’s hard to feel like you don’t love this game that has been your whole life. But what I’ve learned this season is that I’ve always thought my coaches controlled my destiny with soccer, that they somehow controlled my love and passion for the game. Non of which is true. I control how I see myself with soccer and I control what soccer means to me and this beautiful game is so much more then four years of misgivings and misguidance. This game has been a whole story for me and the people in it mean so much more than any frustrating meeting or one game. The joy I get when I touch the ball, the feeling I get when I get to work on ball skills or strike the ball in that sweet spot, no coach can take that away from me. No one can take away from my coaches at Berry really being “Mom and Dad” and no one can take away all the girls from the past 17 years who are now my sisters and absolutely no one can take away from the joy that the most beautiful game in the world brings me.
My fourth job is actually off campus at Rome First United Methodist Church as a youth intern. It’s this beautiful, old church in downtown Rome. This is the job that I accepted just before going back to Berry and the job that made me so excited for this semester and so scared all at the same time. Looking back now, I don’t think I’d be so on fire with God’s love or so full of life right now if I didn’t take this job. I didn’t even know about the job, but a girl who I went to Lighthouse with told me about it and told me to apply so I did and it might honestly be one of the best things I’ve done at Berry. Being with these middle and high schoolers a couple times a week.. It’s refreshing and renewing. They have this whole perspective of life and faith and Christianity and God that I think is actually so vital that as we get older we tend to lose as we get encompassed by our materials and hormones and fitting in and competition. I’ve found myself as the semester has gone on, if I get frustrated or upset or stressed about something, I ask myself what my youth would say. Or I think about what I would tell my youth if they were in my position. Because as complex and complicated as faith and religion is, we make it so much more difficult than it needs to be. At the end of the day, God loves each and every one of us despite our many flaws and mistakes. At the end of the day, He is with each and every one of us despite how much we try to push Him away. At the end of the day, I know that my life is better, my life makes more sense, and I am a better and happier person when I accept God into my heart and into my life and pursue a relationship with Him and relationships with people who lead me to Him. Somehow my youth taught me that without even knowing it. I think a problem that adults have with their faith is being comfortable. We like where we are so we just sit with God there, don’t make anything complicated or difficult. What I love about these kids is how much they want to know Jesus. My boss gave them an opportunity one night to write out two questions that they had and the other intern and I got an opportunity to see what they wrote and here’s what a couple said (somewhat summed up):
Why do bad things happen to good people?
If God creates us, and He could create us perfectly, then why doesn’t He?
I just want to know more about Jesus.
That last one broke my heart. I LOVE that I get to be with these kids and I love that I don’t have to act like I have all of the answers because I don’t. I came in thinking I was the worst person for the job. I went in questioning how I could go in and help these kids in their life and how I could talk to them about Jesus when I so recently got to know Him. And now, I think I’m great for the job because I’m not going to tell them that they’re going to hell if they sin. I’m not going to judge them like I was for so many years at the churches that I tried out. I’m not going to tell them that anyone is better than them or they are better than anyone else because they are a Christian. I’m going to tell them and show them to love every one with open arms. I’m going to tell them and show them that every one sins and that no sin is greater than another. I’m going to tell them and show them all I can and tell them they’re awesome because they are, tell them they’re loved because they are and always will be, tell them that they’ll one day question their faith because they will, tell them that it’s okay to question and doubt because I know they’ll feel guilty, tell them that if they’re searching for God, for answers, for Something (with a capital S), that they’re on the right track.
Somehow I did all of this. Somehow I have gotten through a really rough heartbreak, somehow I’ve dealt with an all too familiar skin cancer scare with my mom, somehow I got through this season with my Mom and Dad (coaches) and all my sisters, somehow I’ve made the best of friends who bring me joy and bring me God, somehow I’ve managed to get on the Dean’s List, somehow I’ve managed to get blessed with the four best jobs with the best bosses and clients and coworkers in the world, somehow I’ve made a million mistakes, and somehow I ended this semester happier than I’ve ever been.
One Response to Fall 2016