Each chapter of JDRF puts on a Summit each year. The chapters of JDRF are organized by geographical region and the summit is basically a conference that you can go to with multiple informational sessions that you can choose from so you can decide what you want to learn about most. I got to go to two different Summits last year, one I presented in for the Triad chapter and one time I went to one with my mom and step-dad in Charlotte just as an attendee.
The one in Charlotte was much larger and at the beginning of the day, the host had everyone write down a question they had about diabetes on a piece of paper, then had a crumble it up, and throw it somewhere in the room. The paper ball that got thrown to me…
How has diabetes made you strong?
Geez. Hit me right in the heart. I had asked some lame question and I got such a good one. I really jipped the guy who got my question.
I’ve been thinking about this question for almost a year now. And I still don’t feel like I’ve totally got it down, and I think it’ll constantly change as I move on to new chapters in my life, learn more about myself, and see how diabetes plays a role in my life as I move forward.
Let me get one thing straight: Diabetes is the worst. BUT. I would never change my life to not get diabetes.
I wouldn’t wish type 1 diabetes on my worst enemy, but I wouldn’t change it about myself either. I want a cure, but I’m so PROUD of who I am today and so much of that is because I have type 1 diabetes.
I am strong.
It might depend on what your definition of having strength may be to agree or disagree about how diabetes has effected my strength, but my soul and my heart are strong and that’s because I’ve had to be.
You know how people say or joke about just throwing someone in a pool of water and they’ll learn how to swim really quick? Or at least that’s the hope? Well, that’s kind of what it’s like to get type 1 diabetes. But it’s every day, sink or swim, live or die.
Diabetes has made me strong because I CHOOSE to live every day, and I choose to live a good life. I’ve spent a lot of time writing about the choices necessary to make to stay alive with type 1 diabetes, and making that choice every day to put a needle, or multiple needles, into my body makes me strong.
Diabetes has made me strong because I have suffered. I’ve told you all about my low points in getting my diagnosis, but I climbed out of it. I chose to not let type 1 diabetes define me or restrict me or dictate my attitude or my life. I am strong because I control my diabetes and I do not let it control me.
Diabetes has made me strong because it has given me an ability to become more empathetic. I have experience with depression, with life questions, with not understanding, with hating myself, with thinking God hated me, with sickness, with chronic disease, with being drowned out by the chaos and commotion of life. So when I look in the eyes of a child living with childhood cancer each summer, no, I don’t know what that’s like. But when they ask me about God, when they realize they fit in, they don’t stick out there, when they ask really hard questions, I empathize with them.
Diabetes has made me strong because it has given me the opportunity to own my story. I had been through quite a bit before I got my diagnosis, and as I learned to accept myself with type 1 diabetes, I learned to accept myself throughout my entire life. I found that relating to others and sharing my story of diabetes made me feel like at least I was a small glimmer of hope or reassurance or understanding for others. And eventually, I realized it didn’t have to stop there. I could relate to more people through divorce, sports, family problems, and more because of other experiences as well and I think that today I’m stronger because I’m not ashamed of my story, I’m proud of who I am and I’m proud to own my story. And I could also let others own their stories as well. To empathize with them, listen to them, love them as they told me their experiences’. I truly believe it’s one of the most powerful things to be able to look at someone and say that you don’t completely understand what they’re going through, but that you hear them. To let them own what they feel as it’s individually unique, but to understand general feelings, to let them process verbally, because owning something traumatic is healing.
Diabetes has made me strong because it has given me a strong faith and a strong relationship with Jesus. I remember the moment, laying in my hospital bed and I’m not sure where either of my parents were, but I was alone. I could look outside and see people walking on the sidewalk, I could see cars passing by, and I chose to look away, and felt myself sink wondering why God had chosen to do this to me and my family. Wondering what I had done wrong. And in finding those answers, I found my best friend in Jesus. I found a foundation to stand on when the Earth was shaking. I found a love that I’ll never be able to fully understand.
Diabetes has made me strong because it has made me love harder, more fully, and more wildly. I remember sitting in the hospital still feeling like I wasn’t sure I could actually live, and I regretted so much how I had made others feel or had not directly told others how much I cared about them. I told myself that if I did make it out of the hospital, I’d never hang up the phone without saying I Love You. I’ve kept that. Diabetes has pushed me to accept people as they are, as they come, and to love them as closely as I can to how Jesus loves me/them. I opened my heart instead of continually building walls up. I softened myself instead of hardening myself. Diabetes has made me love people who are different than me, who believe differently than me, who I don’t know, and those who have hurt me. Diabetes has given me more people, friends, and family because of being able to love than I ever could’ve imagined.
So yeah, diabetes sucks, but it’s also arguably one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. I’m stronger because I have type 1 diabetes, and I can’t wait to see how I continue to grow because of it.
And thank you to whoever threw that paper at me, it’s been a wonderful reflection.
HP