Truth be told, I was anxious anticipating my birthday this year. I wasn’t sure what I would feel or how it would go. It ended up being a really great weekend and an incredible day.
The weather was beautiful so we decided to go on a nice run on the river walk before dinner. I was pretty sure I had a voicemail from my dad on my phone from last year and I hadn’t decided if I was going to find it and listen to it. While we were running, I listened to it. Over and over. And then I found a voicemail from him from every year since 2019. Part of me feels guilty that I guess I missed his call at least once the past 5 years, but I’m also really thankful that I did. Because I’ll always get to hear him tell me Happy Birthday. It was really special, to find those voicemails, to hear his voice.
There’s a really nice restaurant in Columbia that I had told Tom that I wanted to take my dad when I graduated because he’d be the person in my family to really appreciate it with me. Tom, my Aunt Jill Hodges and Uncle Ryan Hodges, helped plan a birthday dinner at that very restaurant. It was the best dinner I’ve ever had. And I pictured my dad’s face at every course, his laugh when they brought out the steak and lamb, he would’ve loved it.
Birthdays were never a huge thing growing up. It’s been heartwarming the past couple of weeks for memories to pop up and see the thoughtful things my dad has done the past few years to make it special. A few years ago, he sent me a card with confetti, but obviously not confetti he bought, but that he cut up himself to make. Last year and a couple of years before that, he sent me really beautiful bouquets. I imagine all the time he spent anxious over which one to get, how to make confetti, etc. I hope he knows how much I see his effort and how loved I still feel.
I’ll leave everyone with one more story (a true testament to my dad). About a week before my birthday, I had a dream. In my dream, it was also my birthday this year, the first without my dad. Tom was walking me around being secretive and I kept saying I didn’t want a surprise party, I just wanted to go home and be alone. But he took me to a house that I knew would hold my surprise party anyways. I was wrong though. I opened the door and my dad was sitting there with his arms wide open. I ran and gave him the biggest and longest hug. He kept telling me happy birthday and how much he loved me. I heard his laugh, I saw his smile. It woke me up it felt so real. The next morning, I was telling Tom what a bad dream I had because it was devastating to wake up and know it wouldn’t come true, and how badly I wanted it to be true. And thank you Jesus for Tom Cardaci, who challenged me to think maybe it could be a good dream, that my dad came to me to wish me a Happy Birthday, give me a hug, and remind me how much he loves me.
So it was a hard birthday, but it was also really amazing. And I’m so incredibly thankful for all of you. Sending you each all my love!