Today is the start of National Diabetes Month and for the next 30 days I’m going to bring you guys with me through my diabetes journey. I want this to be a space where people can ask me questions and I can write my experiences or any answers I have. There’s a lot people who don’t understand diabetes, type 1 diabetes in particular and I want to use these 30 days to bring light to a disease that is normally misunderstood. Some days I may bring you along throughout my day and tell you each thing I had to do for my diabetes, some days I may answer some of your questions, some days I may share some research that has been published, but ultimately, I’m hoping that these posts bring people answers, peace, knowledge, and community.
So for starters… my name is Hannah Parker and I have type 1 diabetes.
When I think back on my childhood, I remember a lot of medical tests and I remember a lot of unanswered questions. I remember having special desserts and special chocolate bars because I could only eat what was sugar free until I was around 8 years old. I remember getting glasses in third grade because I was complaining about my vision getting blurry, but the doctor couldn’t fully diagnose or figure out what was wrong with my eyes. I wasn’t near-sided or far-sided.. I just couldn’t see right. And that continued until I was 16. All my parents knew was that I threw up when I ate sugar when I was younger. I had to go to the doctor all the time but it was always just a virus. I swear there were a couple of years where I had a different test done at UAB every couple of months and all that we would know is that it wasn’t something. It wasn’t gluten or lactose, it wasn’t a bunch of things, but it never had an answer.
The second semester of my sophomore year of high school, I was packing the gallon storage ziplock bags full of food for lunch. Typically included were 2-4 sandwiches, a piece of fruit, some crackers, maybe some gummies, and anything else we had in the house. And I would eat it all. I also played soccer my whole life and it was this season that I felt I was killing myself to improve and running constantly to make my times and I just never could. I had hit a wall. At the end of the year, I got pneumonia. And about a week later, I got mono. As I was recovering from mono, I had serious cravings. We never really ate crazy amounts of sugar or fast food or anything of the such but I would find myself eating an entire can of cinnamon rolls. Or racing to the hibachi place to dive into some fried rice. At some point, my brother and I went to go see my dad in his office and after just a couple of flights of stairs I was extremely winded, despite all of my soccer training. We walked in and my dad lost it about how out of shape I was and I had lost so much weight and what was going on with me. And truth be told, I didn’t realize I had lost so much weight.
I started to get sick again and finally convinced my mom to take me to the doctor. We saw a pediatrician who I had never seen before and I will always thank her for my life. She was the first one who tested me for ketones. As soon as she told my mom and I to go to the hospital because she thought I had type 1 diabetes, I asked if I could have a baked potato before I left. I, like so many others, thought this meant I couldn’t have carbs ever again and I needed one last potato.
We got to the hospital and I remember walking from the parking deck carrying my bag and a blanket and a pillow pet. My mom was scared and kept asking me to hurry so we could get to the emergency room as soon as possible. And I remember looking at some strange red statue and telling myself to just focus on every step. That every time I felt my foot hit the ground, I was one step closer to sitting down.
We made it, of course, but the next couple of days are blurry. I was in and out of it in ICU and would come to it and hear my parents talking sometimes, worried. And I would be so scared to actually wake up and have been another burden on them. I heard my mom one time saying that I would never be able to wear tight clothing, and of course my dad wasn’t mad about that, and in that moment I realized I would never be the same. They didn’t know I could hear them. They didn’t know then or when I could hear them pacing in my room, my mom crying what had she done wrong or what had she missed. My brother moved states away the same day and my parents couldn’t be with him because they were with me.
The hospital is an overwhelming place during diagnosis. I remember waking up one morning inICU before being transferred to a room and I had to give myself my shot of Lantus, long-lasting insulin. I told the nurse I didn’t think I could do it, I hated needles. And I just remember her eyes piercing me, seeing parts of me that I didn’t know existed, and telling me that I could choose to get used to it and live a good life or I could choose to be too scared and I would stay sick and eventually die. I gave myself the shot.
A lot has happened since I got discharged from Children’s in 2012 and I can’t wait to tell you all about it. But today, I’m sitting in my bed with my “artificial pancreas” after doing a kickboxing workout and now working on my IRB for my second study on exercise and type 1 diabetes. So this month let’s recognize what is hard and what is scary, let’s build a stronger community by understanding this disease and knowing how to help and knowing how many people understand, and let’s celebrate the many wins that we each face with our own type 1 diabetes journey.
See you tomorrow,
HP